To get yourself heard,understand the cause of why he is behaving in this way. 1. And starting a family with a man can be a beautiful thing, but at the same time, its a tricky one. 17/02/2020. Home Relationships Marriage Marriage issues, Posted on Last updated: December 23, 2021, My husband chooses his family over me. Everyone is living under the same roof, 4. When you exchanged your vows with the man you expected to choose you over everyone, you wanted him to be there by your side through thick and thin. Actually it was an arranged marriage. Clear and transparent communication is very necessary to get your thoughts across to your husband. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for empathetic, specific, and genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient. Pray to Allah SWT for Guidance and Mercy I know this is a very difficult position to be in. If you try to find a compromise with him, he wont be forced to choose between you or his family. Here you'll find some tips that could help you deal with this issue. Among the objectives of marriage in Islam is the stability of the Muslim family and the spread of affection and love between its members. Why? His family members dont offer salah but He looks at how im offering salah i try improving it daily but he still criticizes me greatly. Pray to Allah SWT for guidance, mercy and help. My family was always in our married life, new every argument we had and everything my husband did to me or said. His brother was disrespecting me and rude and my hisband was oblivious to it all. Because change starts within. Finally, if you feel depressed and that keeping marital relations with your husband is impossible and that you are really harmed, then you have the right to ask for divorce. That is not done. Since we have been married for 2 years, I faced a lot of minor and major crisis. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. If he doesnt realize this, or he doesnt want anything to change, then thats a sign that he probably still has a lot of growing up to do. He Bows To His Domineering Parents (And Expects You To Do The Same) One situation that a lot of couples contend with is when the husband's parent (s) try to exert or maintain dominance without respecting their adult son and his partner. Sure, he may be very close with his blood family, but he chose you to be part of this family. In this situation, you have to compromise. You can always tell your partner that you want to have a family dinner at your house that includes only the two of you. Couples who live in the same house as their in-laws have the feeling as if theyre married to the whole family. When you are marrying someone and promising to spend your life with them, it is a given that your spouse will be your first priority. And you are struggling with your childrens studies and could do with some help from him in Maths. Perhaps you just needed affirmation. See what makes him feel compelled to pay or spend on his birth family. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. If you see that most of your husbands income is given away to his parents for the upkeep of their home and you are left struggling with the finances at the end of the month, then it becomes really frustrating. Sister, I am sorry that you are in such a difficult position. Prioritize yourself. There could be a circumstance when your husband really needs to give his family his undivided attention and financial help. Be careful to always approach him with respect and try to be patient. 3. Let everyone know how their actions are affecting you and your relationship with your spouse. I'm very suspicious to live with him cause it might be a danger to my life he might kill me that's why I have taken a decision for a divorce. Bonobology.com is the couple-relationship destination for Indians everywhere! I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. If a wife continually runs to her parents for counsel instead of first talking with her husband, it can create a feeling of distrust. My cousins are astrayhow do I advise them? This person chose you for a reason, and took vows in front of others to stand by you, love you, honor you, support and cherish you. I have maximize the story as much as possible. They have been doing this for many years until a little while ago, they burst at him and crossed every line of disrespect. Required fields are marked *. Its fine for him to enjoy spending time with his family most of us do but its important for him to also enjoy spending time with you, alone or with your children, doing things that couples and families do together. The same with a husband. Resentment would create negativity in your relationship. Trust me, youll feel instantly better when you open up to him. And as well all know, Indian mothers do not let go of their sons even after marriage. When you exchange vows with the man you expect to spend the rest of your life with, you want him to stand by your side and have your back through thick and thin. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". I know it hurts when your husband chooses his family over you. Then and there he has been flown to abroad (Japan) for 6 years yet he seems to be spending for his family until marriage. Instead, hes allowing you to be mistreated, disrespected, and made to feel like crap. Maybe he feels as though he has more responsibility towards them, as they were the ones who brought him up and he feels as though there is a need to repay them. Only then it is possible that you can help him see your perspective on things. This is a reality in many homes in India and wives are expected to entertain relatives because the husband is choosing his family over his wife. Look at it as a blessing that he is no longer wasting your time and now you can be with someone who does want to be with you. One tactic to be aware of is that of isolating your husband and trying to persuade him to side with them. Marriage doesnt include just you and him your in-laws are part of the equation as well. On top of that, if your husband accepts he has a problem and hes willing to cooperate, that shows you that youre still his priority. They may say things like Are you okay with this? or Is this what you want? or Do you agree?, Make sure your husband is prepared for this. You want your husband to remember that you play a significant role in his life, but you cant go out of your way every single time for them because he has a family on his own now. It means that youre willing to give and take to make things better. However, this sends negative vibes to the other person and ultimately ends up in communication deterioration. Im 40 years old but my mother wont let go! You cant force him to change. I also fully realize how painful it must be for you to go unheard and not having your need met as an equal in your relationship with your husband. Hell just continue choosing his family over you. You might be thinking that you should give your husband some time and space so he can choose between his family or you. He has to improve to be a better husband to you and not the other way around. Do you want to stay in this marriage, knowing full well that youll never be treated with proper respect and appreciation, always being second (third, fourth) behind your husbands family members? Its not uncommon in married life for there to be fights and arguments between a wife and a mom-in-law or husband and father-in-law. Or he doesnt like me? He tells his mother and sister all that happens between the two of us. That way there is no misunderstanding and festering. Most of the time he is not realizing the pressures he is putting on his wife by having an entourage of relatives always at home. He's really stubborn when it comes to his family. Some people who have been immersed in this kind of family dynamic all their lives might not have any other perspective other than their firsthand experience. What to do when your husband is too attached to his family and considers it his responsibility to fulfill their needs and desires? This is a rather difficult one to recognize unless you directly ask him. My question is that My husband constantly underestimates me by calling names . We dont get to choose our family members, but we do get to choose our life partners. Recent studies have shown that men between 18 to 34 are most likely still living with their parents and not with a partner. Thats simply not true. Hear me out on this. You find yourself doubting everything that youve created with this man because it seems as if he isnt yours anymore. I was married at the age of 23 and my husband was 27. You may want to try. Go the professional route. OP: After our marriage ups and downs started to occur, and she gradually made him to change, we flew off to abroad and he didn't even treat me as his wife. Sometimes, when we are hurt we may get complaining, whiny or passive-aggressive. That way your husband does not get to choose his family over you. Its a well-known fact that women mature faster than men. Indeed, a righteous Muslim follows the guidance and moral conduct of the Prophet so he should be neither severe nor harsh. You and your partner must put in an equal amount of effort, propose solutions, and have each others backs no matter what. Dont let your anger turn into resentment. I know this is a very difficult position to be in. This kind of situation can be incredibly hurtful, and can undermine everything that the two of you are trying to build together. So its time to act as such. There can be situations, sometimes unavoidable circumstances, that make a man choose his family, but he will surely expect your support. You have to take a step back so he can figure out that he needs to change. Every holiday, every family gathering, will likely be excruciating. For example, if you and your husband are of very different cultural backgrounds, you may have had very different experiences growing up. You feel betrayed and abandoned by your husband. Also, gifting them would usually remove hatred from their hearts. He treats me so. What can I do about it? Sometimes you might think that they dont even respect you enough. You can agree to hear and consider the input of his parents because a different idea or perspective on things can actually help you make a decision either by changing your mind or by solidifying your current stance. As such, he needs to understand that compromises need to be made. Unfortunately, the same applies to their sons. Understand husband chooses his family because he doesnt know how not to. If he's no more there and not at all by my side then whats the use of living with him. Men have the tendency to live with their parents longer, 2. He has always been prioritizing them in small ways and does not realize how much he is hurting you by giving you a second-citizen treatment. Understanding your spouse, being attentive to them and fulfilling every kind of need of the spouse is your first priority. They just secretly hope that hell get out of his mothers shadow and take control of his own life. Still not sure what to do about your husband taking the side of his family over you? The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. He taught me about Islam and he taught me a great deal, praise be to Allah. First, you have to talk to him before making a final decision that has an impact on both of you. You have answered a lot of your questions and gave reasonings. Well, the reason you fell for your guy might be because he shares a deep and strong connection with his parents. I wish to leave my cheating husband and take the children with me. His mother passed away three years ago, unexpectedly. Thats how he ends up spending more time with his family than with you. Due to circumstances he began to earn at the age of 6. Problems arise when they keep using that as leverage, like we paid for this house, so we have the right to have a say in how you decorate it. Or our grandchildren live in the house that we paid for, so were entitled to visit it, and them, whenever we like.. If your husband was raised by very domineering or controlling parents, he might still be very cowed and obedient with them even when and if it comes to your marriage and life decisions together. But the thing is, when the problem occured he was not my side. Thats not how issues are solved. Your feelings havent been a priority to him for a long time and that has to change now. Im fearful of my husband having Hoor-Al-Ayn in Paradise. Its about admitting that you made a mistake, being able to say that youre sorry, forgiving each other, and moving forward together. There are no constant knocks on the door by his family to get their thoughts across. This is one of the many reasons why communication is so vital in all relationships. 5.8K views, 187 likes, 23 loves, 22 comments, 230 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from : . This is something that may require the two of you to go to therapy together. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. If you dont, then you could be alienating him from you. One simple piece of advice that can go a long way in resolving the deadlock is to become a part of his family, in true earnest. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. I do get v angry when he calls me names. The men are raised in a way that they do not become obedient or submissive to the wives. Have an honest and open conversation with your husband So, instead of being hurt and showing it passively, it might be a good idea to collect yourself together and ask your husband gently but firmly why he did not listen to your idea or even consider it. However, this sends negative vibes to the other person and ultimately ends up in communication deterioration. Watch Videos from: mother passed away three years ago, unexpectedly find doubting. Doesnt include just you and him your in-laws are part of this family, Mercy help. Family than with you respect you enough, but he chose you to go to therapy together sure, wont... That happens between the two of us to leave my cheating husband and father-in-law his brother was disrespecting and. A way that they dont even respect you enough to Allah SWT for guidance, Mercy and.. That men between 18 to 34 are most likely still living with their parents and not a! An equal amount of effort, propose solutions, and made to feel like crap,... 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